Positive & Negatives

Sometimes i wish i was deaf, so i wont hear all the bull shit, the drama at work, the fighting with my parents. To hear them comparing to my middle sister saying i should be more like her. Tell me i cant do my thing on halloween, cant go get free fucking candy. hearing lies all around me, tried of putting on a happy face for everyone, cause lord knows i aint fucking happy. It might seem like it but i aint. i aint gunna lie i do have my good moments, but they never last long. I always wanted to be fucking normal, ever since i was in middle school. i aint fucking normal. i already know who i am im different aint nothing wrong with that. if people dont like it well they can go fuck themselves, cause i aint changing for no fucking one. i like who i am.
if i was deaf i wouldnt be able to hear all the good things in my life like my job, my true friends, my music it helps me get through the day, and coaching kids. there postives and negatives in my life. i just have to think about the positvie ones, not the negatives.

SCAR 7/6/09

Scar along my eye
from my last lover,
who took a knife, put it to my face
scarred me for life.
Bringing back bad memories about
 that horrible day.
The mark on my face burns
everytime i think about him.
It reminds me of him and how
I didn't fight back.
I let him beat me, he beat me
until i turned blue.
Look out the window,
sight became blurry,
heart beating slightly,
body not moving, i felt like dying.

Blood Addiction 7/6/09

Pop the bottle, pour out the blood
let it drain all out, pour into a cup,
drank it down, and passout.
Vampire blood in my system, going into shock
bosy is crashing, body changing.
Feeling like a crash, DNA mixing up.
Look how i turned out, watch out for your
neck guys, im coming for you asswholes

Ghost Girl 10/2/09

I feel like a ghost in my own house,
I walk the halls feeling my dad is mad
at me, he doesn't even know i exist,
that i'm here breathing the same as him.
I can see the dissapointment on his face.
It feels like I'm a dissapointemnet to him again.
Will he accept me for who i am

Ticking Time Bomb 10/22/09

A tear is rolling down my face, my eyes are puffy and red.
The fear is here, happiness stands but has fallen.
My body, my soul, my childhood, has fallen far from
the tree of hope.
I look other people are happy, i can't be happy
life seems unsolved.
A piece of the puzzle is missing from my heart.
Acceptance is missing, people in my life dont
understand hw i feel or the pain I live with everyday.
Each day passes my pain grows, one of these days,
I will exploded.
My body shartted no care in the world.
I'm dead now and yet my soul still lives on
so does the people in the world

Last Breath 10/22/09

Pain is the feeling

you get when

someone has

hurt you emotionaly

Pain is a feeling

when you fall off

your skateboard

and you body

goes numb

Pain is knowing

that someone that

loves you, can't

accept who u are

Pain is a memory

from the past that

haunts you in your

sleep

Pain is......

well pain for me

is the feeling like your

heart is going to break.

Poison starts to pour out,

heart tires to keep beating.

Negative talk turns heart

black, dying out with each

breath i take.

I feel like I'm dying.

If You Really Knew Me

If You Really Knew Me, you would know in high school i got picked on alot, i always walked down the falls looking striaght forward. Some of the players on the football team called me names. They would call me the devil, she-man, she-witch. They didn't know it was hurting me, cause i had a wall up and out came this bully that i was know for. Ever since i moved here when i was in third grade, I was always the one that got picked on. If you really knew me, you would know that my freshmen year of high school i got nomatied as a joke for my high school winter formal, and even though i won i heard that they were going to throw punch on me at the dance. i was excited that i won, but when i heard it was just a joke that nobody didnt like me. i felt sad, unhappy, and depressed but i never showed it. High school for me was hell, i couldnt wait til i got out and home, but sometimes school was the only place i could express my self. Because at home it was different in more ways then one. If you really knew me, you would know that my middle sister is smart, funny ,outgoing, athletic, and the perfect daughter in my family. In my family i don't fit in, i do alot of stupid things to get there attention, cause i feel like they always like my sister better then they do me. i sometimes feel like the black sheep cause most of my family doesnt understand me. My parents are always telling me " you should be more like your sister". They have been saying that to me for 8 years, the pain hurts so so bad. I dont want to be my sister, I just want to be me. If you really knew me, you would know that i just want to be except for just being and who i really am. You would know that I've been hurting for a long time, and i want the pain to stop, i want my parents to except me. I dont want to be in my sister's shadow no more. So please stop putting me there, i just want to be free. If you really knew me, thats what you would know.

DOING NO WRONG

nothing i do seems right it just feels like i want something it just blows up in my face, calling people and getting yelled at, go away ill deal with u later, i feel mistreated and not being treat in the right way. sometimes i feel like a ghost, people want to see me if i have money in my pocket to buy them shit or pay there bills, do i look a tree that is made out of money, i work like everyone in the fucking world, but i never get to see it cause i waste it on someone who is an ass whole, and may me pay for everything, men in general need to help pay for shit and not let the women pay for everthing. we need to be treated with RESPECT!

A Long Day of pain

Today was my day off from work and i wanted to have fun and relax. and not to have a day of stress and sadness, cause the past couple of days ive been feeling stressed out and emotional mix feelings, it almost feels like im not human anymore, that i have turned into a whirlwind of  feeling alone and thinking u want to be happy, but once u get there, it fly's away or turns u down, should u take a leap of faith, take a chance at love. i dont know i want to be happy and be with a guy that would treat me like a princess. not talk down to me, yelling in my ear saying ur dumb, stupid ugly. it takes a toll on u physical and emotionaly. i'm not a sex symbol, im a fucking human being, i want to be treated with respect and not there sex slave. i want to be treated like a lady. are guys all the same treat women like a piece of meat and throw them out  when there down?